Sexual incompatibility in a relationship: what to do

Sex isn’t everything in a relationship but it is an important part. If a couple don’t understand each other in bed, even though they really love each other, this will cause dissatisfaction and frustration that, sooner or later, will inevitably end up having an effect on the relationship as a whole and can possibly end it forever.

Some of the main causes of incompatibility are: different sexual tastes or appetites (different libidos), difference in genital size (very big or very small) which can cause painful intercourse or little satisfaction, premature ejaculation, etc. Equally, a couple whose relationship is only based on sex and is lacking in everything else – love, harmony, intimacy, understanding, support, solidarity, fidelity – is unlikely to last. Therefore, there must be a balance.

However, if you believe that you and your partner are incompatible in some sexual aspect, I recommend that you communicate openly with him/her, without prejudice or recriminations and talk about the topic. In this conversation, you can ask the following questions: Do we want to have sex with the same frequency? Do we like the same things in bed? Am I open to or willing to try things that my partner likes, even though it isn’t something that I’m drawn to? It’s not easy, there will be things that you will have to negotiate, just make sure that both parties are satisfied with what was agreed.

If you need more help, don’t hesitate to consult with a therapist or medical sexologist who can, as an impartial and objective party, give you the necessary tools to improve your sexual relations and also your relationship in general. I always stress that when we can’t resolve something on our own, the best thing we can do is ask for help from an expert who is knowledgeable in the matter. Don’t be ashamed, anything you can do to save a relationship that you want to keep is worth it.

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