We all like to feel loved and valued, and sometimes we mistakenly believe that for others to like us we have to go out of our way to please them. It is not bad that you worry and that you help others, what you should not do is put their needs and happiness above your own.
What is the difference between being a good and caring person and a person who lives to please others? Be honest: Is it hard for you to say no when asked for something? Are you having trouble setting your limits? Are you tortured by the idea of not liking by someone? Do you put aside what you want to make others happy? If so, you may be sacrificing your wishes, peace, and happiness needlessly, because it really isn’t imperative that you do all of the above to be loved.
Seek Approval Within Yourself: Those who juggle to please others are looking for external approval because they may not feel good about themselves. They need others to tell them that they are generous, good, smart, nice, etc. If you feel good about who you are and have high self-esteem, you won’t need approval from anyone other than yourself. So start working on that self-esteem, focusing on the things that make you special, and that have nothing to do with the people around you.
Do Not Respond Immediately: when someone asks you for something that you definitely do not want to do, you can say: “I’ll let you know if I can.” That answer is not a resounding “no” that will make you feel bad, but it is not a confirmation that you will help them and it allows you to buy some time to reflect well on your answer. If you decide to do a favor, do it in a way that suits you and that doesn’t stop you from doing your own things. After all it is a favor, it is the other who must adapt.
Analyze The People Around You: while reading this article, someone in your life may come to mind. Think that someone who really loves you is not going to use you or take advantage of you, or ask you to sacrifice what makes you happy for him / her. Take a good look if there are toxic people around you and try to get away from them little by little. You don’t need them in your life.
Stop Apologizing: those apologies come from the guilt you feel for not doing what is in someone else’s best interest. You are not a bad person for setting your priorities and taking care of your things. You’re fighting for yourself, and if you don’t, who else will?
I hope that with these tips you can free yourself from that harmful need to please others at all costs. If you want more tips on self-esteem and happiness, find me on my social networks @lauraposadalifecoach.